Inspired by the book, Eight Dates, (Gottman & Gottman) and by a discussion in my Insight and Practice group, I've collected seven topics to help couples explore and deepen their relationships. Use these themes to inspire your own investigation. Cultivate curiosity, and leave fault finding behind on your journey. You probably don't want to discuss all of these themes at one sitting, but rather spread them out over several occasions. Borrowing from the notion of Eight Dates, consider these to be Seven Dialogues of Discovery. Take seven walks together, go for coffee on seven different mornings, or take any other opportunity to explore these topics each in turn.
1. How do you define health? Consider all aspects of health.
2. How can your physical environment support your health. That is; what should your physical space look like? Along with this exploration, consider how you feel about your possessions, and you feel about your partner's possessions.
3. What are your aspirations? Can you also describe your partner's aspirations? What might be in the way of these goals, for either of you?
4. All relationships involve projection. Projection is the psychological device by which individuals map onto another person features that are really part of their own psyche. What have you projected onto your partner? How does that projection influence your relationship? Likewise, can you describe what your partner maps onto you? What affect does your partner’s projection onto you have on your relationship and vice versa?
5. What does listening to another person mean? How would you like to be listened to? What interferes, for each of you, in listening to your partner.
6. Compassion. What is healthy compassion? Are there ways in which being compassionate can hurt the one who feels the compassion? can it hurt the one for whom the compassion is felt?
7. What resistance do you have to being fully healthy; physically and mentally? Can your partner be helpful to in your ascent to radiant health? Can you be helpful to your partner?
1. How do you define health? Consider all aspects of health.
2. How can your physical environment support your health. That is; what should your physical space look like? Along with this exploration, consider how you feel about your possessions, and you feel about your partner's possessions.
3. What are your aspirations? Can you also describe your partner's aspirations? What might be in the way of these goals, for either of you?
4. All relationships involve projection. Projection is the psychological device by which individuals map onto another person features that are really part of their own psyche. What have you projected onto your partner? How does that projection influence your relationship? Likewise, can you describe what your partner maps onto you? What affect does your partner’s projection onto you have on your relationship and vice versa?
5. What does listening to another person mean? How would you like to be listened to? What interferes, for each of you, in listening to your partner.
6. Compassion. What is healthy compassion? Are there ways in which being compassionate can hurt the one who feels the compassion? can it hurt the one for whom the compassion is felt?
7. What resistance do you have to being fully healthy; physically and mentally? Can your partner be helpful to in your ascent to radiant health? Can you be helpful to your partner?
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